The Coolest Thing Since Sliced Bread

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the coolest thing since sliced bread. Or at least in the top ten. It's a hand dryer. But it's not just any hand dryer. This machine dries every drop of water from your hands in a matter of seconds. Just insert your hands, pull slowly out, and voila! No need to stand under a hand dryer with weak airflow, chafing your hands together vigorously and pressing the "on" button again and again, convinced that the only thing the machine is actually achieving is warming up the air-conditioned bathroom and drowning out the ambiance music, then eventually losing patience and wiping the still very present excess water off on your jeans. No sir, no ma'am. This Ferrari of a hand-drying device gets the job done in a way that makes you feel like James Bond every time you go to the loo: high-tech and efficient with an underlying aura of superiority.

Moving on...